‘Why do “they” always look like that!’
‘Lob it back in the sea.’
‘If unhealthy was a picture. It looks ill.’
These were just some of the 2,000+ comments on a video posted to Twitter of me in April after I took part in a televised interview for TalkTV with Vanessa Feltz and Naomi Cunningham, the Chair of ‘Sex Matters’.
If this feels excessive, I can assure you that it is all too common whenever a trans or non-binary person speaks out in the mainstream media. But if we don’t expose ourselves to these risks for fear of backlash, our voices are not heard.
That’s why – even though I’ve received death threats – I’ll continue to take that risk.
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The topic of discussion for the TalkTV appearance was the news that government guidance would empower staff to refuse to use correct pronouns and chosen names for transgender students in single-sex schools.
So I began by asking Naomi what their pronouns are (Naomi refused, so it remains a mystery!), and did the same with Vanessa (who was more than happy to provide hers) to demonstrate just how simple and harmless an action that is – taking no more than a few seconds.
I did this because, although it costs the asker nothing, it could drastically improve the life of a young person who is afforded the ability to use the terminology that makes them feel safe and recognised.
TalkTV posted a snippet of the interview online, which was a moth to a flame moment for any bigots foaming at the mouth for their chance to clumsily slap their mitts across the nearest keyboard and pile-on, ripping me apart.
Compared to the largely sour, bile-filled comments, the interview itself was not what you’d picture by the reaction.
It was three adults speaking calmly, politely disagreeing, and I came away from it feeling as though I had set out what I had hoped to achieve. This was to provide some insight into why it is more beneficial to create a safe environment for marginalised youths than one that fails to appropriately accommodate them.
Reactions such as the aforementioned keyboard warriors are par for the course in a climate right now that is hostile towards trans people. It just goes to show why we must continue to speak out against it.
Since last year, I have done something in the region of eight or so television appearances. So I know from experience that if a channel is more right-wing-leaning (sadly sometimes even when it’s not) there is likely a guarantee that the online replies will more often than not heavily skewed towards offensive and berating.
When I did my first interview in February 2022 (discussing the topic of gender-neutral toilets with talkRADIO’s Cristo Foufas) I knew that I had to brace myself for that sort of response. I’ve been openly trans and queer for most of my life, plus I’m autistic, dyslexic and visibly disabled – not to mention fat – so I have a very thick skin.
But, I was not as prepared as I thought. One of the worst things I saw – and still see whenever I do a media appearance – is online comments claiming that I am a ‘paedophile’ or a ‘groomer’ because I am not shamefully hiding my identity in the shadows.
As a survivor of child sexual abuse and domestic violence, it’s impossible to escape how painful these comments are.
I put on a smile for the most part, but in private, I was battling some of the worst symptoms of my already constant depression, switched to top gear by all of the hateful comments being hurled at me.
I also had friends urging me not to do it again. I was so visibly shaken that they didn’t believe it was worth me putting myself in harm’s way for what appeared to be minimal gain.
Since I started doing television appearances, I have received countless death threats, as well as bizarre sexual harassment. I’ve witnessed strangers discuss what genitals I may or may not have, what my appearance means about my sex life or my sexuality, and received explicit threats of sexual violence. I’ve been stalked, had doxxing attempts and been on the receiving end of false police reports.
This is the reality of being visibly trans in the media, though I have seen far worse done to those who have appeared on much bigger platforms.
There’s an insidious bubble where trans voices are very rarely given airtime to discuss our area of expertise without challenge, either from ill-informed presenters or members of established anti-LGBTQ+ groups.
But that’s exactly why I have continued to speak out whenever the opportunity has arisen (hello!) because, in this climate, it’s a very privileged position to be in. Even if it means being thrown to the lions, my voice will be heard by someone who cares.
Someone who is learning something for the first time or who has never seen a ‘real’ trans person before. Perhaps someone who knows everything I’m going to say before I say it – hell, they could probably say it better – but they’ve never been given the chance and they’re glad someone has.
Or someone who looks at me, with my penchant for wearing pink or my wheelchair in the background of a shot, who is so unashamedly trans and non-binary and queer, and they realise that they’ve never seen someone who looks or sounds like them on the telly before, and for a moment they feel less alone.
That’s worth every insult, and every death threat, and it’s exactly why I’ll only continue to be louder and more visible, for the sake of those who are not afforded the privilege.
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