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Borders Everywhere
At an energy conference in Pittsburgh this week, President Trump listed some states where he said border walls were being built, including Colorado (which, as far as we know, only borders other states).
“That’s right, a border wall in Colorado. Once they’re done with that, they’re building a naval base in Idaho.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Then Trump announced our Coast Guard would be patrolling the ports of Nebraska, so that’s good.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Even worse, he’s going to make New Mexico pay for it.” — JAMES CORDEN
On Thursday, Mr. Trump tweeted that he’d mentioned Colorado “kiddingly.”
“Now as a fellow comedian, I get what he’s doing here. Before you tell a joke, it’s very important to kick off the joke by saying ‘kiddingly.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Meanwhile, today at the White House, Trump participated in a ceremony in honor of the Hindu holiday Diwali. Things got off to a rough start when Trump told everyone, ‘We’re going to build Diwali in Colorado.’” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Elevator Edition)
“Congressman Tim Ryan announced this afternoon that he is dropping out of the presidential race, an announcement that sent shock waves through the rest of the elevator.” — SETH MEYERS
“Yeah, in a related story, Tim Ryan was apparently in the presidential race.” — CONAN O’BRIEN
“I’m not in charge of the news department here, but I don’t think a guy dropping out of the race who’s polling at less than one percent really qualifies as breaking news.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Rumors started swirling he might drop out of the race ever since he announced that he’s running for president.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
With Jimmy Kimmel in New York this week, he and Jimmy Fallon took the opportunity to make it clear that they’re two different people.
Also, Check This Out
They’ve always been part of the country’s popular culture, but in October 2019, America may have reached peak witch.
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