Everyone loves a good dad joke now and again, right?
Well, lucky for all of us, just the other day Reddit user GrotiusandPufendorf asked people to share their favorite dad joke. And the results TRULY delivered:
1.
Dad putting car in reverse.
Dad: “Ahh, this takes me back.”
—Hkatsupreme
2.
Dad: “Nice shirt, is that felt?”
Not Dad: “No.”
Dad: *Reaches over and touches sleeve* “It is now!”
—Cheese_Pancakes
3.
At the park with my girls: “Dad, can we go play?”
Me: “Sure, just stay away from those trees over there.”
Girls: “Umm…OK, why?”
Me: “I don’t know…they look a little shady to me.”
—Fleurdelis502
4.
Dad: “Look at that flock of cows over there.”
Kids: “A HERD of cows.”
Dad: “Of course I heard of cows, there is a flock of them right over there.”
—ManOfLaBook
5.
When I’m at a restaurant and the waitress says: “Do you wanna box for that?”
I always reply with: “No, but I’ll wrestle you for it.”
—bdoz138
6.
Host at a restaurant: “Do you have reservations?”
Dad: “Yeah, but I think we’ll still eat here.”
—OvaltineDeathFantasy
7.
*Dad buying fake Christmas tree*
Cashier: “Are you going to put it up yourself?”
Dad: “Don’t be disgusting…I’m going to put it up in the living room.”
—HippieMermaid420
8.
Dad: “Someone among us is an owl.”
Me: “Who?”
Dad: *Narrows eyes suspiciously*
—Prestigious_Pringle
9.
“Would you like the milk in the bag?”
Dad: “No thanks, you can keep it in the carton.”
—Captain-Yesh
10.
Dad at breakfast: “I’ll have bacon and eggs, please.”
Waiter: “How do you like your eggs?”
Dad: “I don’t know, I haven’t gotten them yet!”
—roman12325
11.
“I love my furniture. My recliner and I go way back.”
—akaShadezz11
12.
“I haven’t been to the gym in so long I’ve gone back to calling it James.”
—damndingashrubbery
13.
“A magician was walking down the street. Then, he turned into a grocery store.”
—aworldwithoutshrimp
14.
“Three guys walked into a bar. You’d think one of them would have seen it.”
—Photon_Torpedophile
15.
Dad at lunch: “Do you have anything cheap cuz I’m not that hungry.”
Waiter: “Well maybe the chicken strips for $6.”
Dad: “Well maybe it does, but that doesn’t help my hunger.”
—Sjkxism
16.
“You know why you never see an elephant hiding in a tree? Because they’re very good at it.”
—Fo_eyed_dog
17.
“What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.”
—ProtectedCesc
18.
“If a child doesn’t want to take a nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?”
—Achiles_Heals
19.
Wife to husband: “I’m pregnant.”
Husband to wife, trying to be funny: “Hi pregnant, I’m dad.”
Wife: “No you’re not.”
—llcucf80
20.
“Are you feeling cold? Sit in the corner, it is 90 degrees.”
—pwningprincess
21.
“You know Orion’s Belt? Big waist of space, huh? Didn’t like that joke? That’s okay…it’s only got 3 stars.”
—MoonBasic
22.
Dad: “Did you know that the people living nearby actually can’t be buried in that cemetery.”
Kid: “Why?”
Dad: “Because they’re not dead yet.”
—cupidadult
23.
“Why do graveyards have gates? Because people are dying to get in.”
—Vlaed
24.
“I lost 25% of my roof last night…oof.”
—apgp123
25.
“Someone broke in last night and stole all my anti-depressants. I hope they’re happy.”
—WhatAboutMason
26.
“What’s Harry Potter’s favourite way to get down a hill?”
“Walking.”
“JK, Rolling.”
—Sorry_Astronaut
27.
“I tell dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs.”
—Moleskin21
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