Nothing stirs up family drama quite like a wedding.
From invites (does your mum’s friend’s son really need to come?), to seating plans (no Auntie Doris, you can not sit at the top table), everyone – and I mean everyone – has an opinion on the ‘right’ way to do things.
But, speaking from experience, there’s one topic that’ll rile relations more than any other: the question of who (if anyone) will walk the bride down the aisle.
Modern brides are increasingly scrapping the tradition of walking in with their dads, whether it’s due to divorced parents, or simply not wanting to be ‘given away’ like cattle. The practice does, after all, stem from a time when women were exchanged between fathers and grooms.
The 21st century fathers, however, don’t always get it.
On Reddit, one dad has explained why he’s refusing to pay for his daughter’s nuptials, because she’s decided to break from tradition.
‘I’m a 48-year-old man and my 19-year-old daughter has always been an independent thinker. I raised her to be independent and think for herself, which I’ve always appreciated. However, we recently hit a bit of a snag,’ he said.
‘She got engaged and decided that she doesn’t want me to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. She argues that her mother and I don’t “own” her, therefore we have no right to “give her away”. I feel hurt by this because we never treated her like an object or piece of property, rather we’ve tried our best to provide her with a wonderful life.
‘Her stance seems extreme to me and despite discussions, she’s refusing to budge on the issue. I respect her choices, but I feel she’s disregarding our feelings completely. As a response, I told her that if she feels that way, then I won’t be paying for her wedding.’
The dad went on to say that he’s not trying to make the wedding ‘about himself,’ but no longer feels he ‘owes’ his daughter a fully-funded wedding.
‘She can pay for her own wedding if she’s insistent on this stance,’ he said. ‘I’m feeling quite conflicted about this. AITA [Am I the asshole]?’
As evidence of how divisive this topic is, the comments show a fairly even split of opinion.
‘Not the asshole,’ one person wrote. ‘You heard her. She is independent. Independent people deal with their own bills.’
Another disagreed. ‘You’re the asshole,’ they said. ‘Were you paying for her wedding because you own her or simply because you felt it was your responsibility to do so? Or because you love her and wanted her to have a beautiful day?
‘You raised an independent thinker but when that independent thinking is counter to you, you’re going to punish her? Do you really want her wedding day to be a bad memory for both of you?’
Some posters suggested agreeing on a compromise, so the dad feels included, but the bride doesn’t have to ignore on her beliefs.
‘I’ve seen parents stand with the bride at the head of the aisle and then her walking alone symbolizing the three aspects of her life. Child of her parents, free choice making adult, to her new life with her partner,’ one person said.
‘I’ve seen both bride and groom walk the aisle separately each pausing to hug and kiss their parents before stepping before the officiant.’
My advice if you’re facing the conundrum? Have the conversation early, prepare for a heated debated, and seriously consider if 60 seconds of your life are worth such a fallout. Compromise on both sides is probably the answer.
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