Written by Lauren Geall
As Stylist’s digital writer, Lauren Geall writes on topics including mental health, wellbeing and women’s issues. She’s also a big fan of houseplants and likes to dabble in film and TV from time-to-time. You can find her on Twitter at @laurenjanegeall.
Have you been ‘deep dumped’? Here’s how to tell.
Name: deep dumping
Meaning: your date skipping the classic ‘first date’ topics (pets, work, the weather) in favour of discussing the deep stuff (life goals, vulnerabilities, the meaning of life). It’s often a lengthy and one-sided chat.
Origin: deep dumping is another Stylist Extra original term for you to enjoy. We coined it after realising how many of us had been on dates where the other person hadn’t asked a single question all evening, instead opting to reveal the details of their life goals and ambitions. Without invitation, of course.
Kind of like trauma dumping? Exactly! Just like trauma dumping, deep dumping involves oversharing information without consent – just instead of the intimate details of someone’s personal trauma, it’s a wannabe philosopher spouting their latest theories.
I see. So what kind of stuff comes under the deep dumping umbrella? Let’s see. OK, say I’ve just turned up to a first date, and I’ve decided to order a cocktail.
Ooh, what did you go for? That’s not the point of the story.
Humour me. Fine, I’d say a passionfruit martini.
I like it. Continue! So, your drinks arrive and your date looks at your cocktail and makes a comment about how tiny the glass is. Suddenly, they’ve dived into a lengthy monologue about rising costs and how capitalism is stealing everyone’s joy before you’ve even had the chance to ask them how their day has been or where they’re from.
What if they’re just really passionate about cocktails? They are pricy these days… If someone’s that passionate about cocktails, you’d probably know before you go on your first date.
OK, but is deep dumping always a bad thing? Not necessarily. For some people, it might just be a way to cover the fact that they’re feeling nervous or embarrassed. For others, however, it’s just because they’re in love with their own voice and think everything they say is verbal gold.
Makes sense. But how do you respond to someone going on and on like that? You’ve got two options, really. Firstly, you could try to steer them onto another subject, like how sunny it is outside or the stressful day you’ve had at work. If that doesn’t stop them, you’re probably going to have to see their monologue through to the end (a risky choice) or duck out with some fake emergency.
I see. Any other questions?
One second, my phone’s ringing. No problem.
Oh no, my friend’s girlfriend has just broken up with her – got to run! Wait a second…
Image: Getty/Stylist Design Team
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