LOUISE Thompson revealed she fears she has brain damage after a recent hospital dash.
The Made In Chelsea star nearly died twice from serious complications while giving birth to her first child Leo last year.
And since becoming a mum, Louise has suffered from debilitating mental and physical issues which she is desperate to overcome.
She was in hospital last week after receiving 'worrying' blood test results.
Updating fans on her current condition in a lengthy post on Instagram, Louise said she no longer feels like herself and is struggling to deal with the effects of her undiagnosed illness.
She wrote: "I kind of feel like I've erased my entire past and started life as a totally new person. A sometimes sick person. People tell me how far I've come, but I can't remember how far.
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"I can remember a weird amount of things from my childhood… sensory things will remind me of the strangest memories from way back when I was 5-15, but then I've sort of erased everything between then and now.
"Now that I mention it, sometimes ALL I can feel is sensory stuff, like the feeling I get when I go from a hot room to a cold room and it helps me connect to the world around me."
The 32-year-old said she finds it difficult communicating when she has daily episodes that leave her mind feeling scrambled.
She said: "To put it bluntly I'm struggling to move on with 'normal' life. Every day I feel physically very unwell and every other day I seem to have an hour long period (sometimes longer) where I feel messed up in my brain – I don't know what it is, but it feels like brain damage or a mini stroke.
"Maybe it's a weird processing experience. It feels like I'm either really REALLY low in some specific chemical/hormone or way too high. But either way I can't think properly or talk properly during those episodes.
"It sort of feels like I'm having a major allergic reaction to something in my brain. I go from feeling really low and agitated to then feeling a rush of something and then I get the worst cramping around my pelvis but then my brain levels out, a bit like the chemicals have been restored. I've been told that this isn't a result of my mental health medication?!? Can anyone help with the physical side of things?"
Louise said she's tried cutting certain foods out of her diet, but the only thing that seems to ease her symptoms is when she doesn't eat at all.
Describing her body as "out of balance", Louise said she gets severe aches and pains in her neck and head, and has strange sensations in the right side of her face.
"I know that I want to go back to being normal Louise so why won't my body and brain just let me," she asked. "As someone that is still trying to shift the label of 'control freak' this has been really hard to manage because I'm constantly seeking answers and am not getting very far. I don't think anyone I speak to can relate.
"Just when I think I might be turning a corner I find myself feeling really ill. That puts me right back in a bad place. Then I question : Will I ever feel healthy again? And more importantly will I ever be able to think like a normal person again?"
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The mum-of-one is a huge fitness enthusiast, but is unable to workout in the way she used to.
"It's getting really boring not being able to do the things I love, even with a bit of Leo help. I kind of dread my life, but then sometimes it's manageable.
"Sometimes I even have a really good time, but then when I'm in a bad place I can't understand how I can have a good time at all. I just have to repeat this too shall pass. Sadly I can't just pull myself out of the funk with happy thoughts or 'feel good' practises.
"Sometimes I think, f**k people must think this whole thing is a massive joke, because they will never EVER understand what it is like to have gone through what I've been through or to sit in my head for even a minute."
She vowed to continue fighting to get better but admitted she was angry about what she's going through.
"So to answer where I'm at now… I'm at a cross roads, I'm in an uncomfortable place," she concluded. "I don't know where I want to go. But some good must eventually come from this. I don't know what I want to do with this experience…
"My family think I should work because I loved it before. I don't like people pushing me though. Hey, it sure as hell can't make things any worse. And if this helps anyone else feel a bit more normal then I will get a bit of a kick out of that. How u doin?"
Her fiance Ryan Libbey shared details of Louise's most recent hospital stay.
It came hours after she posted a picture of herself looking sad on Instagram writing: "I just want someone to fix me."
She added: "My poor body and brain are all over the place."
Ryan posted from hospital tonight explaining that she had received "alarming" test results and said he was "devastated".
He posted a picture showing him in a cap and mask while he waited in a corridor, alongside a heartrenching message.
Ryan wrote: "Just as I thought I was approaching a time period where I could focus some energy into my own therapy and healing, Louise unfortunately still struggles with various things every single day and some of those symptoms are worsening.
"We're now back at the hospital (this time private as we've been so let down by the NHS) because Louise has received some alarming blood test results.
"At this moment I don't know how serious this is, but it feels devastating to be sat outside a hospital waiting room, seven months on from Louise giving birth.
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"I'm holding on by a thread, trying to work, keep business alive, earn money to support Louise and Leo, trying to keep up with my own ambitions (and failing).
'It's not like me to share stories like this but I feel so s*** at the moment. Maybe this unload will help."
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