We’ve been having a lot of fun at Armie Hammer’s expense in recent weeks, and there are three main reasons for this:
1. It’s fun and easy.
2. He deserves it.
3. The opportunity to make jokes about literal freakin’ cannibal doesn’t come around very often.
Yes, in case you somehow missed the news, Armie Hammer is a cannibal — or at the very least, he loves to fantasize about the idea of eating human flesh.
The scary part is, if you’re as rich and famous as Armie and you’re obsessed with devouring a thumb covered in Buffalo wing sauce — well, you probably have the means to make it happen.
It’s hard not to laugh at Hammer’s bizarre fetish/diet/whatever the hell it is that causes human beings to transform into pork chops when he looks at them, like in those old cartoons where two animals are trapped on a desert island and one tries to eat the other one.
But it’s important to note that there’s a deadly serious side to this story, as well.
Several women have come forward with abuse allegations against Hammer.
These accounts range from accusations that Armie posted nude photos without the subjects’ consent to claims that he carved his initials into a woman’s flesh.
While Hammer’s fantasies (assuming that’s all they were) of eating people may have been harmless, a good number of people were hurt by his actions, including his estranged wife, Elizabeth Chambers.
Chambers says she was not personally victimized by Armie in the way of so many of his sexual partners.
In fact, she says she had no idea of his strange tastes until she read about them in the press.
Quite understandably, Elizabeth has opted to keep a low profile in light of recent revelations about her soon-to-be-ex-husband.
But earlier this week, she broke her silence under unexpected circumstances.
Armie’s acting career (which we can now safely talk about in the past tense) never quite took him to A-list heights as the big budget studio tentpoles he starred in — most notably The Lone Ranger and The Man From U.N.C.L.E. — did not meet with much success at the box office.
However, the 34-year-old does have some critically acclaimed films, including such Oscar-nominated favorites as The Social Network and Call Me By Your Name.
And what does his work have to do with his current scandals?
Well, this week several media outlets reported that the Luca Guadagnino and Timothee Chalamet, Hammer’s director and co-star in Call Me By Your Name are working on a new film about … cannibalism.
The project entitled Bones and All concerns a woman who has trouble battling “the urge to eat people.”
And so, Ms. Chambers’ first public comment came in the form of an Instagram post about the film, and it consisted of just two words:
“No. Words,” Elizabeth wrote.
That about sums it up.
Sources say Chambers is currently living in the Cayman Islands, where she and her chuldren are hiding from both Covid-19 … and Armie.
“Everything is just so crazy and disturbing right now. Elizabeth is doing the best that can be expected,” a source close to the situation tells U.K. tabloid The Sun.
“Her kids are her number one priority, she has been going through hell and she is just trying to protect them. His behavior is atrocious,” the insider adds, referring, of course, to Hammer.
“She was willing to fight for her family and repair what he readily threw away until it became very clear to her he no longer valued their vows or family.”
Our hearts go out to Elizabeth and her kids.
Like whatever Armie is eating for dinner tonight, this situation is horrifying no matter how you slice it.
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