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Trump Looks for Voters in New Mexico
President Trump held a campaign rally in New Mexico on Monday where he attempted to appeal to Hispanic voters.
“So after four years of Donald Trump throwing Latinos under the bus that he stopped at the border, by saying that illegal and legal immigrants are all coming to kill us, Trump’s plan to win is to woo Hispanic voters. Woo, boy. Buena suerte with that, el Trumpo. Right now, Trump’s approval rating among Hispanics is 25 percent, so, this is like Cruella de Vil trying to woo Sarah McLachlan.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Trump asked Steve Cortes, ‘Who do you like more, the country or the Hispanics?’ Coincidentally, that’s also the first and only question asked in a White House job interview.” — JAMES CORDEN
“Those two things aren’t even in the same category: ‘What do you like better: Pepsi or Mongolia?’” — TREVOR NOAH
“Trump, on his absolute best behavior, still talks about race like it’s fantasy football.” — JAMES CORDEN
“I know he doesn’t speak Spanish, but now he’s not even speaking English.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“With that kind of sincerity, I can’t believe Trump hasn’t won over more Hispanic voters.” — JAMES CORDEN
“According to fact checkers, President Trump made at least 26 false statements last night during his rally in New Mexico, and that was just during the sound check.” — SETH MEYERS
Warren Draws a Crowd
Senator Elizabeth Warren’s Monday rally in New York City drew a crowd of more than 20,000 to Washington Square Park.
“Twenty-thousand! Only 3,000 of which were there to score weed.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Following her rally in New York last night, Senator Elizabeth Warren spent four hours taking selfies with supporters. Meanwhile, Bernie took one selfie that lasted four hours because the camera was accidentally set to video.” — SETH MEYERS
“Warren was so popular, the only way police could get everyone to leave was by saying, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Bernie Sanders was also there on a bench feeding the pigeons, and muttering to himself, ‘The top one percent get all the bread crumbs.’” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Salsa With Sean Spicer Edition)
“Somehow ‘Dancing With the Stars’ found a way to humiliate Sean Spicer more than the president of the United States.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“I’ll be honest: I think Spicer will be perfect for ‘Dancing With the Stars.’ Yeah, just pretend you know what you’re doing until you get kicked out. It’s just like working for Trump.” — TREVOR NOAH
“A bit of a reversal for Spicer. At the White House, he would be the one telling the outrageous lies, but on this show some wardrobe person looked him dead in the eye and said ‘That looks great on you, Sean.’” — TREVOR NOAH, on Spicer’s lime green shirt
“He looks like your fun aunt after three wine coolers, you know what I’m saying? He looks like the puffy shirt from ‘Seinfeld’ had sex with a glow stick.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
Sarah Paulson and Jimmy Fallon performed dueling Cher impressions on “The Tonight Show.”
What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night
Billy Crystal will chat with Stephen Colbert on “The Late Show.”
Also, Check This Out
NBC announced a new streaming platform called Peacock, set to debut in April, that will air the complete seasons of “Parks and Recreation,” “Brooklyn Nine-Nine,” “Cheers,” “Downton Abbey,” “Everybody Loves Raymond,” “Friday Night Lights,” “Frasier” and, eventually, “The Office.”
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