Rylan Clark made a heartbreaking confession to Busted’s Matt Willis about his darkest thoughts during his depression.
The TV presenter is often seen as a bubbly personality, marrying gimps in comedy skits and recreating celebrity selfies for fun.
However, Rylan has also shared his struggles with his mental health, especially following his divorce from husband of six years Dan Neal.
Last year, mum Linda confessed the 34-year-old had begun sleeping in her bed for comfort in his depression.
Rylan appears to be much happier now but he opened up on Matt Willis’ podcast about how dark things had really gotten during that low period.
‘I am so strong, I am so so strong but I was so broken, like to the point where I physically couldn’t dress, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t do none of these things,’ he said during the new episode of On The Mend with Matt Willis.
The presenter split from Dan in 2021, after meeting as housemates on Big Brother in 2013, and took four months off work to recover from the divorce.
Rylan shared: ‘I tried to, to end it a few times unsuccessfully – gratefully now.
‘But I just remember going to sleep at night after doing nothing all day, living at my mums, frightened to leave the house, didn’t want anyone to see me – and I think that’s the fame side of stuff.’
In a harrowing confession, Rylan continued: ‘And I would pray that I wouldn’t wake up because then it wouldn’t be my fault.’
Rylan has spent time ‘rebuilding’ himself after his breakdown, which he added there were no warning signs for, he just stopped functioning.
During his Cairngorm Comic Relief challenge earlier this year, he spoke about how his life changed over the last few years.
The X Factor star called it a ‘bad few years’ for his mental health but reassured Matt that he is on the mend.
‘In a weird way, I can look back at everything and be grateful for what I went through in the most f**ked up way because I would never let myself get like that again,’ Rylan said.
‘And I know that. Because when you’ve been there, like you’ve been there at times, other people have been there – you’ve been to that place, you know the road that it takes to get there and you know the tell-tale signs.’
He described the traumatic experience as a broken leg, which has healed with a scar that some days might be more noticeable than other days.
Rylan said: ‘The scar will always be there, but we can still walk and sometimes we run. That’s how I look at it.’
On The Mend with Matt Willis is available now wherever you get your podcasts.
For emotional support you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email [email protected], visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.
If you’re a young person, or concerned about a young person, you can also contact PAPYRUS Prevention of Young Suicide UK. Their HOPELINK digital support platform is open 24/7, or you can call 0800 068 4141, text 07860039967 or email: [email protected] between the hours of 9am and midnight.
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