‘I will never be who I was before all this’: Elizabeth Smart reflects on 20 years since her kidnapping, saying her ‘desire to live’ and ‘do good in the world’ has outweighed her trauma
- Smart, 34, was taken from her bed at knifepoint in her family home in Salt Lake City, Utah, on June 5, 2002, when she was 14 years old
- She was held captive by Brian David Mitchell and his wife, Wanda Barzee, and repeatedly raped for nine months before she was rescued on March 12, 2003
- Smart told Fox 13 News that it took her a while to realize ‘that I will never be who I was before all this happened,’ saying, ‘That person is gone’
- The survivor recalled having ‘a lot of shame’ and ‘a lot of guilt’ following her abduction, even though she knew logically she didn’t do anything wrong
- Smart credited her mother, Lois Smart, for pushing her to always keep going, though she admitted to sometimes hating the encouragement
- However, she explained she is now ‘so appreciative of that’ because her mother’s words and her hopes for the future helped her get to where she is today
Elizabeth Smart has reflected on the 20 years since she was abducted from her family home in Salt Lake City, Utah, saying her ‘desire to live’ and ‘do good in the world’ has outweighed her trauma.
The 34-year-old was taken from her bed at knifepoint on June 5, 2002, when she was 14 years old, and held captive by Brian David Mitchell and his wife, Wanda Barzee, before she was rescued on March 12, 2003.
‘It took me a while to recognize that I will never be who I was before all this happened. That will never happen. That person is gone,’ she told Fox 13 News. ‘I needed to learn to be OK with my new life, and that took time. It didn’t just happen overnight.’
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Elizabeth Smart has reflected on the 20 years since she was abducted from her family home in Salt Lake City, Utah, on June 5, 2002
Smart was abducted from her bed at knifepoint when she was 14 years old and held captive by Brian David Mitchell and his wife, Wanda Barzee
Mitchell, a self-proclaimed prophet, kidnapped Smart with Barzee’s help and took her into the woods, where he performed a mock-wedding ceremony before raping her for the first time.
To keep her from escaping, she was tied up with steel cables in a dugout filled with mice and spiders.
Smart was forced to take drugs and drink alcohol, she testified in 2009, and was raped daily — as often as four times a day.
Mitchell and Barzee later moved her to Lakeside, California, where they plotted to kidnap other girls. After their last failed kidnapping attempt, she convinced them to return to Utah.
Smart was rescued at age 15 after she and her abductors were recognized by witnesses in Sandy, a city in Salt Lake County.
She has since gone on to become a public speaker, an author, and an advocate, but that hadn’t always been her plan. When she first got home, she just wanted her old life back.
‘I swore up and down that I was never going to write a book. I’d never do a movie or a documentary. I didn’t want to do any media. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to see anyone,’ she recalled.
Smart explained that she struggled with ‘a lot of shame’ and ‘a lot of guilt’ about what had happened to her, even though she knew logically she didn’t do anything wrong.
Mitchell and Barzee’s trials were also dragged out for years due to delays and mental evaluations. It took nearly eight years for Mitchell’s case to finally come to court.
‘There were times when it was hard, when I was frustrated,’ Smart told Fox 13 News. ‘The trial, the court case, the proceedings, I mean, they were very frustrating. It made me very angry thinking, “Why is this not done yet?”‘
‘It took me a while to recognize that I will never be who I was before all this happened. That will never happen. That person is gone,’ she told Fox 13 News
Mitchell (left) was sentenced to life in prison for his crimes, but Barzee (right) was given just 15 years. She was given credit for the seven years she’d already served and was released in 2018
Mitchell (pictured being escorted to court in 2005) subjected Smart to horrific abuse and was convicted in 2010
Mitchell was sentenced to life in prison for his crimes, but Barzee was given just 15 years. In a plea deal, she was given credit for the seven years she had already served.
Barzee was released from prison in September 2018 and now lives in the same town as Smart, despite Smart’s pleas to the parole board not to set her free.
Smart credited her mother, Lois Smart, for pushing her to always keep going because that has been a lesson she has carried with her.
‘Whenever I had a bad day, she’d be like, “Elizabeth, what do you do when a horse bucks you off?” And I hated that so much. Oh, I hated it. I was like, “Just let me feel sorry for myself for five minutes,”‘ she said.
‘She always wanted me to get back up. She always wanted me to keep going. That’s the way my whole life was,’ she added. ‘Now, as an adult, I am so appreciative of that because no matter how low I sunk, I still got back up and kept going because that’s what I had been raised to do, and that’s how I’m here.’
Smart credited her mother, Lois Smart, for pushing her to always keep going. ‘Whenever I had a bad day, she’d be like, “Elizabeth, what do you do when a horse bucks you off?”‘ she recalled
Smart, who shares three children with her husband, Matthew Gilmour, said it was her hopes for the future that helped her to get to where she is today
Smart has spoken openly about her ordeal as a public speaker, an author, and an advocate
Smart, who shares three children with her husband, Matthew Gilmour, said it was her hopes for the future that helped her to get to where she is today.
‘It was hell, pure hell, but it had an ending,’ she said of her abduction. ‘It ended, and I think that my desire to live and my want to have happiness and to do good in the world outweighed my trauma, my nightmares, my fears.’
Smart founded the Elizabeth Smart Foundation in 2011 and has spent over a decade combatting the victimization and exploitation of sexual assault.
Earlier this year, her organization merged with the Malouf Foundation, which offers services to survivors of child sexual exploitation.
Smart told Fox 13 News the merger has made her feel ‘like the future is unlimited.”
‘When you actually see someone in front of you telling you their story and really living it for you, and you have that, I mean, just face-to-face almost emotional connection with this person as they’re telling you what they experienced, and how these actions have influenced the rest of their lives, it makes a difference. It makes a huge difference,’ she said.
Smart marked the 20th anniversary of her abduction on Instagram while sharing photos from the Malouf Foundation’s second annual anti-sexual exploitation summit in April, which Gayle King (left) attended
Earlier this year, the Elizabeth Smart Foundation merged with the Malouf Foundation, which offers services to survivors of child sexual exploitation
Smart said the merger was ‘the best choice’ she has ever made with her foundation
Smart marked the 20th anniversary of her abduction on Instagram on Sunday while sharing an update about her foundation.
‘Wow 20 years! I typically don’t acknowledge the anniversary of the day I was taken too much, I tend to focus more on the day I was rescued but 20 years feels like a big deal to me,’ she wrote. ‘I remember a time I didn’t think I’d even be able to say “20 years ago” but yet here I am.
‘And I can think of no better way of acknowledging this day than recognizing how far I’ve come and not just me but all those who have helped me and dove head first into the cause against sexual exploitation in all of its forms.’
Smart went on to share that ‘the best choice’ she has ever made with the Elizabeth Smart Foundation was to join forces with the Malouff Foundation.
‘Together we planned their second annual anti sexual exploitation summit in April which was amazing,’ she said. ‘[Gayle King] was so gracious and came to Utah to kick it off! We had such an amazing line up of survivors, professionals, law makers, and advocates. Can’t wait for next year’s summit!’
Smart concluded the post by thanking her followers for their ‘support, kindness, and love’ over the years.
‘You will never know how much it has meant to me and has helped me move forward, reclaim my life, and find happiness,’ she wrote. ‘Because I am truly happy today. God bless you all.’
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