From struggling to let your guard down to ending relationships soon after the ‘honeymoon phase’, these are the signs that you might fear abandonment.
Letting people in emotionally can be a scary experience – especially when you’ve done it before and it hasn’t quite worked out.
Whether it’s a relationship that went sour or being betrayed by a friend, that feeling of opening up to someone and seeing it backfire can feel like a slap in the face and leave you wondering if you should ever be quite so trusting again.
So how do we navigate through these challenges and allow ourselves to open up and experience the beauty of letting people in without feeling so jaded?
Well, the self-care app Head Help is unpacking just that in a post which highlights the signs when someone has ‘fear of abandonment’ issues.
“Letting someone in can be terrifying. Then the thought of letting someone in and them leaving is even more terrifying,” Head Help wrote in its Instagram post. “Acknowledging this fear is OK; however, don’t allow it to control you and let you live in constant worry. Nothing is promised but allow yourself to be full in and fully you when it comes to love.”
In the post, Head Help broke down the signs that someone has fear of abandonment, starting with those who have a tendency to push people away because they “fear rejection from them”.
“This is an unconscious defence mechanism designed to prevent emotional pain,” they said.
Next up, Head Help suggests that pleasing others and changing yourself in order to fulfil the desires of others so they don’t look elsewhere is another sign you fear abandonment. Avoiding emotional vulnerability and refusing to let “your guard down” is another.
Other signs you fear abandonment, according to the post, include overanalysing and “looking for flaws” in a partner as a reason to justify why the partner can’t be trusted and ending a relationship soon after the “honeymoon phase”.
Finally, the self-care app says people who fear abandonment need “continual reassurance that others love you and will stay” and that they don’t “trust people easily”.
In the post, which has received over 5,000 likes, people shared how it related to them.
“This sounds a lot like me,” commented one user. “It feels easy to leave something before they may leave you, but it means you’re constantly assuming [things] aren’t gonna work out and it sucks.”
Another said: “This is definitely something I’m unlearning in therapy right now and coming to terms with. Running away and not opening up is definitely not the answer.”
Being vulnerable around people is not always easy – especially when feelings begin to grow and anxiety starts to step in.
But acknowledging these fears and working through them is key to making the change you desire in order to move forward in your relationships and, most importantly, within yourself.
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