DEAR DEIDRE: LONELINESS led me to have an affair with my neighbour, but his wife has found out.
We were only sexting but she refuses to believe nothing physical ever happened.
I’m 37, single and live alone.
My neighbour is 44 and married with two children.
We became close a year ago. We’ve lived on the same street for years and as we both work from home, I’d often bump into him.
He was always friendly and we’d chat and laugh together. Although I always found him attractive, I knew he was married and so nothing could happen. But he started to become increasingly flirty and I liked the attention.
We started having coffee in my garden then swapped phone numbers.
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Soon after, he began texting me frequently. And one night he had too much to drink and told me he was falling for me.
He also told me in great detail what he’d like to do to me in bed. That turned into regular sexting.
I enjoyed it but made it quite clear it couldn’t go any further. He swore to me that he was deleting all the messages. But last week I got a text from his wife saying that she knew about our “affair”.
She had found a message that he had forgotten to delete. She said she wanted to know the whole truth and didn’t believe we hadn’t slept together.
I apologised but she has called me a home wrecker. I’ve tried to contact him, but he has blocked me. It feels like a rejection, even though I understand why.
I know I did wrong and feel like a fool — and am lonelier than ever.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Loneliness can make us all behave out of character.
We all make mistakes and nothing will come of beating yourself up, except low self- esteem.
Instead, try to step back and learn from the experience. Notice how un-comfortable you are with your behaviour, then resolve to make changes. Be thankful you didn’t let this go further.
Your neighbour took advantage of your loneliness. And now that his cheating has been exposed, he has scarpered to try to rebuild his marriage.
Try not to take what his wife said to heart. She is hurting and wants answers. But what’s happened shows you crave affection and a relationship.
My support packs Feeling Lonely and Finding The Perfect Partner For You should help you to find a better solution.
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