DEAR DEIDRE: I AM in a whole new world and have lost my virginity to a guy who probably does not even know what my name is. After going to an all-girl school, I am 18 and in my first year at university.
There is so much casual banter here about sex and at first I was quite shocked by it. The other night, I was in a pub with a crowd of fellow students. I started throwing back the drinks and ended up completely out of it.
A guy started chatting me up.
He was a few years older than me but I was in a what-the-hell kind of mood and told my mates to go on without me, saying I would catch them up.
I was getting wobbly and said I wanted some fresh air.
This guy said I could come and sit in his van outside. The next thing I remember, we were lying down in the back of his van.
I didn’t tell him to stop but I did tell him I was a virgin.
He had sex with me anyway and was extremely rough about it.
Afterwards, I asked if I would see him the next day.
He said: “No way.” I started crying and he said having sex was my choice, which was true but it was horrible.
I feel like I have lost something about myself.
I am not naive enough to think the first time is always special but it shouldn’t have been so bad.
Even though I was so drunk, I do remember insisting he wore a condom and I took the morning-after pill, so I don’t have to worry about being pregnant.
But I was always the sensible girl who didn’t make mistakes and now I can never get the old me back.
I keep thinking people are looking at me and judging me.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Please stop beating yourself up.
We all make mistakes and life is a learning curve.
The best way to handle mistakes is to make sure we never do the same thing again.
Stop worrying about what other people think.
Nobody will know unless you tell them.
Even if friends who were there that night guess, no real friends will be judging you.
Virginity isn’t a commodity.
You have had one bad experience of sex.
It won’t in any way lessen the special feelings when you first have sex with someone you really care for and who cares for you.
Learn from this. It happened when you had been drinking, so stick to a decision from now on to only drink in moderation.
Alternate every alcoholic drink with a long soft one.
Well done for making sure it wasn’t unprotected sex – but it would be wise to get a sexual-health check just to be sure.
If it would help to offload in confidence, contact The Mix, which helps under-25s with any problem (themix.org.uk, 0808 808 4994).
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