DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE met a wonderful woman but can’t stop using a phone sex line – as the girl I talk to there is my ultimate turn-on.
I am a 36-year-old guy and single until now.
Get in touch with Deidre today
Got a problem?
Send an email to [email protected].
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
Follow me on Twitter @deardeidre.
For many years I just watched vanilla porn but then I got into a more hardcore genre where you are told exactly how to pleasure yourself.
I noticed more and more that I liked being sexually humiliated and ridiculed.
I discovered this phone sex line service a year ago and, after speaking to a few girls, found one who is amazing.
She knows how to get me going.
She likes to laugh at how pathetic I am. I love that.
But a year ago I met a woman online who is 34 and really hot.
We’ve been chatting loads and I told her recently that I really like her.
To my surprise, she said she feels the same.
She lives in America and I’m flying over to see her this spring.
I have decided I should quit both the porn and the phone sex.
I wouldn’t want to use either while in a relationship.
The porn feels like it would be possible but I can’t imagine my life without the phone sex.
I have managed to give up calling for a week or two but then go back.
I never feel guilty for the calls and what I do during them, but I am breaking my promise to myself to quit and I’m beginning to realise I must be addicted.
I am finding it harder than ever to reach climax without being humiliated.
If I did stop, would I go back to normal?
I really like this woman in the States, and I worry this may affect us if I don’t stop or she finds out, but I’m torn.
Other times, I think I should just enjoy what I’m doing as much as I can before getting into a relationship.
Topic4today
A DOMESTIC violence case is reported to the police every minute, two women a week are killed by a partner or ex, and men are victims too, though they can feel too embarrassed to admit it.
My e-leaflet Abusive Partner? explains the support available to help you be safe.
For a copy email me at [email protected] or message me on Facebook.
DEIDRE SAYS: That’s your addiction talking.
The fact you are finding it harder to reach sexual satisfaction without being humiliated shows the phone sex is blunting your sexual responses.
It’s like a drug addict needs bigger and bigger doses to reach the same high.
Keep having the phone sex and you could lose the ability even to become aroused by a real-life partner.
So if you want to share a satisfying relationship, best start tackling your addiction now and work towards ending your porn and phone-sex habits.
Finding humiliation a turn-on could well tap into early unhappy experiences, and a specialist therapist can help.
Contact COSRT, the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists to find the right support (cosrt.org.uk, 020 8543 2707).
My e-leaflet on Fetish Worries can help too.
Work on building up an active real-world social life nearer to home and get your buzz at the gym or out running.
Don’t rely on dreams of a woman thousands of miles away.
Source: Read Full Article