If you feel that you’re become disconnected from your partner, it might be time to take up some mindful smooching.
The harsh truth is that once the honeymoon phase of a relationship is over, we can sometimes find ourselves only really having a make out session with our partner when there’s the chance it might turn into something more – with kissing really just being reduced to when we say hi and bye to one another.
Rather than settle for a quick peck here and there, one relationship expert and couple’s therapist has said that the key to staying in tune with your other half is to kiss for at least six seconds non-stop a day.
Dr John Gottman, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Washington and author of celebrated self-help book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, stresses that couples should kiss ‘for long enough for it to feel romantic’.
He claims that this six-second-long snog acts as a ‘temporary oasis’ within a busy day, and can help maintain intimacy in a longterm partnership.
Wondering how to incorporate this without it being a bit, well, weird? According to the pro, you should sneak it into times when you’re already going to share a smooch.
Dr Gottman advises: ‘Don’t leave home without a kiss that lasts six seconds and on the other end of the day, greet your spouse with a six-second kiss to provide a loving transition into togetherness.’
It may sound a bit airy-fairy, but Dr Gottman’s advice does actually have scientific backing.
Kissing lowers levels of cortisol (the stress hormone), while elevating oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and dopamine (the happy hormone).
According to anthropologist Helen Fisher, kissing also enhances our sex drives, as we’re able to share testosterone through saliva.
Here’s what Dr Gottman says his six second theory can bring to your relationship:
- It can build a ritual of connection
- It can create physical touch
- It can be a bid for connection
- If your partner has initiated, then it’s turning towards your partner
- It boosts fondness and admiration
- It builds appreciation between you
- It can lead to sex
- It can be self-soothing
If we do the make-out math, two six-second kisses a day for seven days works out as just 84 seconds a week – whether it gives you all the bonuses the doc lists or not, we’re well up for dedicating some time to quality kissing.
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