WATCHING the replays of The Slap the morning after Will Smith lost it (before winning it) at the Oscars, I couldn’t get over how…theatrical the whole thing seemed.
The sound it made – the perfect 'DOOF!' always dubbed on to screen violence.
The way Chris Rock stayed on his feet. The way that, for the first time in many weary years of po-faced preaching disguised as acceptance speeches, everyone is suddenly talking about the Oscars.
Yet it could well be real.
We see Smith tittering at the G.I Jane joke – then we see Jada giving him daggers – and, considering her known feistiness, it’s not hard to imagine the ear-ache he’d be getting behind closed doors if he didn’t put it right.
So up he gets and defends his wife’s honour (and haircut) by smacking a comedian for making a joke.
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Of course, the two camps had old beef, with Rock quipping at the 2016 awards: "Jada got mad, said she's not coming… Jada boycotting the Oscars is like me boycotting Rihanna’s panties. I wasn't invited.
'It's not fair that Will was this good and didn't get nominated?' It's
also not fair that Will was paid $20 million for Wild Wild West…"
People have been making jokes about the Smiths' open marriage for years.
Just a few weeks ago at the BAFTAS, Rebel Wilson commented on his award for his role in King Richard: "I thought his best
performance over the past year was being OK with all his wife’s boyfriends."
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There may have been something of a pressure cooker effect – but what would the world be like if we went around punching people when they mocked our loved ones?
That way lies mayhem.
When I was really fat, a magazine printed a photo of Jabba the Hutt and said it was me – not only did I think it was hilarious, I remember showing it to everyone.
If social media had been around then, I would totally have re-posted it.
'This hardly screams marital joy'
Pinkett is no damsel is distress.
Beautiful, gifted, massively confident (that dress screamed LOOK AT ME!), she also appears to be the driver in their notoriously open marriage.
The Slap might have been something Smith may have wanted to do to his own reflection over the years – who knows?
Footage of the couple before they went into the Dolby Theatre does not scream marital joy; when he motions her forward to join him for photos she seems to be saying: "No, you come here."
She eventually moves towards him – but I’ve seen more sexual electricity between draft-excluders.
When people feel insecure about their bond, they often post loved-up stuff on social media.
For film stars, awards ceremonies are on their Instagram. But behind closed doors, I’d be surprised if that initial titter is ignored.
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Some marriages are ajar, some are open and some are hanging off of their hinges – only time will tell.
But I can’t help feeling that the last laugh will be on the Smiths.
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