I'm a dating coach and this is how to stop over-investing in people

I’m a dating coach and this is the ONE question you should ask yourself to stop over-investing in people who don’t deserve it

  • Matthew Hussey, Essex, is an author and life coach as well as a dating expert 
  • READ MORE: I’m a professional dating coach – and these are 5 things your boyfriend SHOULD be doing as a bare minimum if he wants to keep you 

A life coach and dating expert has revealed how to stop yourself from over-investing in people.

Matthew Hussey from Essex, who authored the 2013 bestseller Get The Guy: Learn Secrets of the Male Mind to Find the Man You Want and the Love You Deserve, shared his thoughts in a video on TikTok.

The clip, which he shared with his 2.9 million followers, is titled How To Stop Yourself From Over Investing. 

In it, he shares a segment from a training session he held called Dating with Results, which was attended by some 13,000 people.

When discussing the approach people should take when it comes to their relationships with others, he suggested looking at whether the other person makes you happy.

Author, life coach, and dating expert Matthew Hussey (pictured) has discussed how you can stop yourself from over-investing in people in a video on TikTok 

In the clip, he says: ‘Here’s a simple way of looking at this. I need to value this person on their ability to make me happy.

‘Which means not evaluating them based on how I feel about them, but evaluating their importance, based on how they make me feel.’

He goes on to explain that he doesn’t mean how they make you feel ‘on a date when you go out and you feel dazzled and you feel excited and you feel connected’.

Rather, he says, he’s talking about ‘how they make you feel at 2pm on a Tuesday?’.

He continues: ‘Do you feel anxious? Do you feel unloved? Do you feel like your needs are being met or not?

‘Do you feel this person is making you a better version of yourself, or a worse version of yourself?’

The question of whether this person can make you happy is a ‘key’ one according to Matthew – and this, he says, is ‘a way to lower the stakes’. 

He adds: ‘Because if we know, if we’re thinking “This person is important because they made me feel something really, really big…”, that’s not what makes someone important.

In the video, titled How To Stop Yourself From Over Investing, Matthew (pictured) said you should ask yourself whether the person you’re thinking about investing in makes you happy 

This is taken from my free live training “Dating With Results” yesterday. 13,000 people joined live, we did 2 hours of live training for people’s love lives and their confidence, and if you missed it, you missed a moment. But you don’t have to, because the replay is up for 48 more hours. It disappears at midnight on Friday, and when it’s gone, it’s gone for good. Don’t miss YOUR moment. If you’re looking for love, heartbroken and trying to get over someone, frustrated or exhausted from dating, trying to improve your confidence, or just excited to begin a new chapter this year, this is a MUST. And it’s FREE. Go to LoveLifeReplay.com or the link in my bio, to watch now. #datingadvice #relationshipadvice #matthewhussey #datingwithresults #dating101 #realationshipadvice #lovelifeadvice #lovelife101

‘Anyone can make you feel something really, really big within an hour or two of meeting you. If they’re charismatic enough, and charming enough, and dazzling enough, anyone can do that.

‘That doesn’t make them important to you. What makes someone important is whether they can make you happy.’ 

Viewers took to the comments to discuss how this advice had changed their mindset when it comes to how much they choose to invest in others in relationships.

One wrote: ‘I needed to hear this today, I gotta snap out of my delusional state and see the hard facts.’

The video struck a chord with many viewers, some of whom took to the comments section to share their own thoughts and feelings

Another agreed, adding: ‘This is my number [one] rule, I’m happy without you and if you want to come into my life, you should add more happiness or else.’

And a third commentator said: ‘This is one of the most important aspects to choose someone for a relationship.’ 

A fourth wrote: ‘my grandma told me today you have to choose someone that loves you not someone that you love and I think she was referring to this.’

Meanwhile, a further TikTok viewer appreciated the advice, but admitted they would find it tricky to implement.

They said: ‘This is huge but trying to tell my heart this is very difficult.’ 

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