CHRISTMAS is supposed to be the most magical day of the year, but often it ends in tears, drunken rows and slammed doors.
Arguments can start from pretty much everything, be it cheating on a board game, a malicious comment or a serious power play with an in-law.
Psychologist Susie Pearl says Christmas Day very rarely pans out like it does in the movies.
Susie told The Sun: “Christmas is difficult and sometimes is not the glitter-filled merry dance that we see on movies and TV.
“Real life is often very different. Many people find Christmas a very difficult time for different reasons.
“There are so many things that can grate on us during Christmas that we are not exposed to at other times of the year.
"Everyone getting together in the family can be a cause for arguments to brew.”
Susie, author of The Art of Creativity: 7 Powerful Habits To Unlock Your Full Potential, says there are common culprits when it comes to bickering at Christmas time.
Her top tip for nipping arguments in the bud before they start, is: “Respond to tricky situations with kindness.
"We have all been through a lot lately.
"You don’t need to win any arguments with relatives. You have already won if you divert an argument during Christmas!
Most read in Health
FOBBED OFF
I was told I just had piles but now I’m facing a death sentence
How a key Omicron symptom can affect men and women DIFFERENTLY
UK daily Covid cases down 37% in a fortnight as 88,447 Brits test positive
I burst into tears when my GP discovered the real cause for my ‘tinnitus’
“There are all sorts of relatives floating around at Christmas and many we don’t see during the rest of the year.
“It can be a cause of tension when everyone gets sat down together and starts talking."
1. The 'I know best' aunt or uncle
This family member always has an opinion and thinks their viewpoint is the only one that's right.
How to cope: Don’t try and win an argument with these characters. They will always want to be right and will rarely back down.
They don’t want to be corrected or put right – they think the way they do, and that’s that.
Smile and turn it into gentle humour. Don’t try to win the argument – it probably won’t work.
Instead, take the sting out of the situation by changing the subject, agreeing with them, or agreeing to see it differently and move on.
Just don’t bother arguing, it will be a waste of your time and breath.
2. 'It was never like that when I was your age'
Yes Grandma, things have changed.
Saying, "It's not like it was before," implies it's worse now, when actually, it's just different.
The world is different, people are different and we have to move with the times.
How to cope: Be gentle with those of a different age and generation.
The world is very different today to how it was when they grew up – they likely didn't have mobile phones, digital downloads or screens in their childhood.
Be flexible and respect their age and be kind – honour their years and the things they have learnt.
Ask them questions like: 'What was it like when you grew up?' 'How did you spend Christmas then?' 'What sort of presents did you give and receive back then?'
Be curious and get the oldies talking. They will love it and you will get some valuable information about your family that you can tell your kids about in years to come.
Explain we have to celebrate and move with the times or we get left behind. So much has improved.
Remind them of that by ask what is better about now, like: 'Has food improved?' 'Have living conditions got better?' 'Have we got more choices?' Lead the chat towards how things are different and what is better than before.
Keep it positive.
3. 'Do it my way, or not at all'
Some relatives, particularly older ones, may want to control and push you to do things their way.
They have learnt to control their own space and how things get done – and this doesn't always wash at Christmas.
How to cope: Make this okay and respect the fact these relatives may find change difficult or threatening to their peace in some way.
Often people get into their routines and habits and don’t want to change these, especially at Christmas.
4. 'Pass me another drink'
There will be a relative that drinks too much, heads out of control and starts behaving badly or swearing too much in front of the kids.
How to cope: Suggest they slow down on the drinking, give them some solid food to eat and point out that you can see they are getting too tipsy.
Get them to go for a walk, have a sleep or eat something to help things along and calm down.
Sometimes you need to be very direct on this subject to get people to listen.
Use a kind tone and gentle words, said in a non-forceful way.
5. 'You've put on weight'
Snide comments are hurtful, whether they're about your appearance, your relationship status, or anything else about your life that's personal, private, or that you may be sensitive about.
How to cope: You can call those relatives out by gently telling the truth about how comments and questions like that make you feel.
For example, you could gently ask, "Are you saying I have put on weight? I am sensitive about that and I am trying hard to do something about it. I am finding it difficult. Have you ever experienced this in your life?"
General bickering
Christmas can be an emotional roller coaster – especially with omicron threatening plans too.
You may also feel sad at missing loved ones, feeling lonely, unloved or upset with life.
All those bickering moments you have been swerving all year can come to town over the festive holidays.
This could be around what film to watch, irritation over presents and gifts, who is doing what in the shopping/cooking/hosting area, who is eating all the mince pies, or how cold the front room is.
How to cope: Try to take the edge off any arguments by suggesting you move onto another subject, asking everyone to calm down and take a pause and remind everyone it’s a tough time for all involved and not the time for arguments.
Try to enjoy this special time together.
Play some board games, put on some music and dance around the living room.
Set some goals for 2022, tell each other what you are grateful for and highlight what your loved ones have done that made you feel better during the year, for example.
Bring some lightness and joy to the room, however you can.
When you feel really uncomfortable
If things get really difficult to handle and you feel like you can't take it, you always have the option to politely leave and remove yourself from the situation.
It’s not always easy but sometimes that’s better than sitting in an excruciating situation and sticking with it just because it's family time.
You have options to go and not put yourself through it.
Sometimes going home or just to another room to watch something quietly alone, is the best solution.
You could also suggest everyone goes outside for a walk to clear the energy in the room.
It’s a good chance to change the conversation and change the mood of the group.
How to ease the tension
- Don’t take anything to heart. People are tired, stressed, had a difficult few months and you don’t always know what people are going through.
- Breathe and smile and don’t let people’s stress and emotions get to you.
- Go out for a walk in nature or do some exercise to lower your own stress levels. Yoga and a little stretching can help you see things differently.
- Don’t force things to go your way – make it OK for you to be wrong and someone else to feel right, if that’s what they want. Christmas is not the time to score points.
- Have a good old fashioned voting system to choose your Christmas telly and film viewing, and let everyone have an opinion. This will take the fizz out of any arguments.
- Share the cooking. Give everyone a fair share of the jobs and make everyone feel involved, including the little ones.
Find Susie on www.susiepearl.com and her podcast on Patreon.
Source: Read Full Article