DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my brother-in-law’s wife left him last year I was sympathetic at first but now I can see why.
He is ruining my marriage.
He is 38 and after they split, he moved cities to be nearer my husband, his big brother. They have always been close.
I understand that my husband, who is 40, wants to spend time with him, but he drops everything for him and totally indulges him.
We get no family time together any more. I’m stuck in the house with the kids while they go out drinking like teenagers.
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I have invited his brother to join in with family arrangements, but he always says no.
It’s causing lots of arguments and now my husband and I barely speak.
I’m 39 and sick of coming second all the time. What can I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: Your brother-in-law is probably reeling from his divorce.
It’s great that he can lean on his brother, and that your husband is there for him. But this shouldn’t leave you feeling shut out. It’s a question of restoring balance.
Talk to your husband calmly. Rather than criticising him, which will make him defensive, say you miss doing things as a family.
Ask if you can do something altogether. My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help you to talk.
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