DEAR DEIDRE: MY daughter is living in a bizarre relationship with a man and another woman. I’m so worried for her wellbeing.
It’s been going on for six months. Apparently they all share a bed and either have threesomes or sometimes my daughter will have sex with this other woman.
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My daughter says she is bisexual, which I never would have imagined before.
I am her mum and 41. My daughter and the other woman are the same age, 22 and the guy is 33.
He seemed nice enough when I first met him. My daughter moved in with him after just one month.
During my regular visits, I noticed this other woman was always there. I thought she was a friend but she seemed very cosy with them both.
One visit, this guy sat on the sofa and put his arm around her. My daughter didn’t bat an eyelid.
I bottled things up for weeks but I finally asked my daughter what was going on — and she told me the three of them are all living together and are all in a relationship together.
I was dumbfounded. I asked if he was sleeping with her and the other woman separately — and that’s when she told me about the regular threesomes.
She says her having sex with the other woman doesn’t bother this guy.
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Neither of the women has a job. The guy goes out to work and all they have to do is keep the house clean and tidy, cook and do the washing.
He is very generous with them and they go mad with his credit cards.
But what worries me most is that my daughter and this other girl are not on any contraception.
It will inevitably end up with one or both of them falling pregnant. My daughter isn’t bothered about this and keeps saying “whatever happens, happens”.
How do I get her to realise this is almost bound to end unhappily?
DEIDRE SAYS: I understand your very real concerns. I know your daughter is an adult, making her own choices, but it sounds like she and her friend are being groomed.
This often starts gently but can turn controlling and abusive once the victims are lulled into a sense of false security.
You can’t order your daughter to get out of this situation, so your best tactic is to make every effort to stay close to her.
The worry of pregnancy is a very real one too and your daughter’s passivity over this suggests she is losing any sense of being in full control of her own life and future.
Try to persuade her to go on the Pill but reassure her you are there for her no matter what.
It’s known that adults with learning disabilities or autism who have experienced some sort of trauma are more vulnerable to grooming.
If this could apply to your daughter, you can find support through respond.org.uk.
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