The woman I adore wants lots of sex – but not a relationship.
We’ve had more drunken bonks than I care to remember.
There’s a real sexual chemistry between us. We only have to catch sight of each other across a bar and we’re gone.
My friends walk away knowing that I’ll flirt with her all night, while hers scream: “Get a room”.
So far, we’ve romped in the toilets of most pubs around here, plus various back alleys and even an old red phone box.
She likes her sex to be as risky as possible. She gets off on shocking and being spotted.
The other day a guy in a car screamed that we were “disgusting” and she loved it.
I like a game and a laugh, but I enjoy making out in my own bed too. Sadly, she’s not up for that.
I’ve explained that I have my own flat and we don’t have to get heavy or commit to a big love affair, but she simply isn’t interested in seeing me for a normal, planned date.
We work in a large business park, but for different companies, so there is problem with us becoming a couple.
The other day I decided to formally ask her out. She looked me in the eye and said she was already in a relationship.
That’s a lie and I was left feeling stupid and humiliated. I see her around every day and this place is a hotbed of gossip.
Why won’t she give me a chance to prove myself? What has she got to lose? Is she ashamed of me? Doesn’t she think I’m good enough?
JANE SAYS: From what I understand, you hook up in pubs after work.
Everyone witnesses you chatting and flirting – so she can’t have a problem with being seen in public. Does alcohol play a big part in your behaviour? Do you only actually come together once you’re both sloshed?
Do you need to look at your drinking? I get the impression of someone who enjoys edgy sex as a way of rounding off a perfect night out.
If you’re hovering at the bar, she knows she’s in for a tasty treat. You’re like a human kebab – instantly available and quickly forgotten.
There’s obviously something going on in her life. Whether she’s playing the field or simply happy with her own company, you have to start concluding that she’s not the girl for you.
If you crave love, reliability, and commitment, then break this bad habit. Find new venues to visit in the evening.
I worry that you play with fire every time you crash into another toilet cubicle or run down a back alley.
What if you’re eventually cautioned or shamed?
Don’t continue to sell yourself short.
Accept that she is not willing or able to give you the relationship you need and put your encounters down to experience.
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